I always thought that Crying was something I shouldn’t do, An unforgivable sign of weakness. Ever since I was little, and I saw the pain, upset, and anger my tears could cause. But lately I’ve found myself in tears a lot, I don’t even know what about most of the time.
I found myself withdrawing a lot lately, seeking the company of the people who don’t ask questions, avoiding the people who care, I tell the truth in halves and hints. chopped up sentences with a lot of “but its fine.” and if i get close to talking about it i start to cry.
Its all rather annoying, at this point in my life i have nothing to cry about, honesty, things are fine, but this year kind of kicked off all wonky and wrong and kept going in that direction, and the further i get into it the more strange it fits. I find that i’m not talking to people i care about and they’re not talking to me, that we keep missing each other, and getting things wrong, and the more i do to fix it, the more i say, the further away i feel.
I don’t know if this is the whole things get worse before they get better, or if I’m really, really bad at even the slightest change. Part of me just wants to stop caring, To just cut myself off, and move on, but the other part of me knows to just hang tight, Something thing shave a habit of sorting themselves out, and I’m hoping this is one of those things.
Sorry i haven’t written lately, I’ve tried, but nothing has been right.